Dear LC(Liang Chen),

I’m sorry I couldn’t be the one you go to when you upset, I can’t go thru all the up and downs in life with you. I really wish I could. But I Guess, life just doesn’t always give me what I want. The first time I met you was in my birthday. I really thought “wow god finally heard my prayers” but well, I Guess it doesn’t. These past 1 months was beyond what I could ever dream of, which is why it’s harder for me to let you go. When I’m finding ways to persuade you to meet my friends, you are finding ways to leave me. I guess the blame is on me.

If I wasn’t so clingy, so unreasonable, so immature, will you stay?
If I didn’t remove you as Friend on social media, will we be together now?
If I did not reply you the way I did, if I give you some space to breathe, will you talk to me more?
If I don’t smoke, if I eat veg, if I finish my food, will you love me more?
If I wasn’t so lazy and indecisive,  will you go out with me more often?
If I don’t need so much of your attention, will you be more patient with me?
If I did not suffocate you,
If I already know you’re thinking of giving up on us
If I let you play your games,
If I did not rush everything
If I don’t throw tantrums Everyday
If I’m more understanding

I’m really sorry for not being good enough,
For adding more stress on top of your work
For throwing nonsensical tantrums
For being so clingy
For everything that you think we won’t worked out.

I understand that I wasn’t good enough. Everything about us is the opposite. You studied, I don’t. You don’t smoke, I do. You’re outgoing, I’m not. You’re ambitious, while I just counting days. You earn so much, while I earning shit. I’m not pretty, I’m rude. I’m everything you can think bad of. Who will want someone like me right? But I’m sorry I’m secretly wishing you will never find the right one, until I’m dead. I’m sorry for being so greedy. But bao, it’s because I love you, I love you beyond what I could ever thought of. But why you, I have no idea. It’s just you.

I miss you so much, everywhere in my room is your presence. On the chair, on the bed, your steam account, your games, you’re suppose to be beside me now. You’ve no idea how agonising it is for me now. I tried to live like you, forgetting that I ever exist. Forget about everything that happened between us. But I can’t, I tried so hard. I cried, I cried every single day after you left. We took leave together on 26th and 27th to go out, but what happened?! What happen to meeting me after my steamboat session with my clique? You told me don’t think so much, but how can you control your thoughts? What happened to joining my fam on nov 25?! What happened to us bao? Why. Why did you give up on us? We could work things out, I can change. I will do anything for you. But why are you being so selfish? Why did you not think about how I would feel?! I know everything you told me is all just excuses, you can’t wait to leave me. How do you know we have no future when we haven’t even try changing?! Decisive, you’re decisive because you don’t love me. How could you make up your mind to leave me without thinking how things might actually works?! You’re supposed to fix me, but why. How can you say that you want to leave and you did the next min? How? want all this  I hate myself so much now. It’s all my fault. You said you love me on the 8th and left me in 20th. It fking hurts baby, this is only so much I can take.

Hi bao, we went m social hotel on 26-28th. Room 226. I’m over the moon when you say about staycay! We met and watch money heist on the first night and went out on the second. Thanks for taking me to the movie and playing VR, first try. Hehe, I love the silly you. On the last day(28th) morning, I’m sorry I broke down. I wokeup realising it’s the last time you’re hugging me to sleep, it’s the last time I get to hold your hand. You asked me why am I crying? You’ve no idea how much I want it to stop. I’m really sorry for making you annoyed again. But I really love you so much, and by looking at you I want to cry even more! “Why am I not enough for this guy? Why does he give up on me? What should I do now? I really wish the time will loop around 26-27” I really wish you could stay, I can change. We could try. We had a h2h talk on 27 night, I really didn’t want to let you go. But well. And  you call me to giveup? No! Not on you! Why should I?! I’m sorry I broke down infront of you, I really didn’t want it to happened. But everything came crashing on me, and I can’t hold it in anymore. I love you bao, always. And no doubts, I will do anything for you to stay, anything for you to come back to me.

Hook

Been 4 months since i left the student care. Can't help but missing the kids. From their whining, complaining to them throwing tantrums. Even though I've been receiving their messages every now and then, still can't be replaced by seeing them everyday. Used to complaint how much I need to take a break from them, how much I've been losing my voice as well as my temper, but now i just wish i could go back and handle their nonsense. These 2 years are filled with their laughter, their tears and also their grumble on how much homework they have everyday. I can only be there for them 2 years, now they have to be on their own with their new teachers and new environment.

I hope they will grow to understand that in life, nothing will be always there for them. They only have themselves to rely on. i want them to know that even though there are always conflict between friends, they will make your everyday life so much better. Even though I've been scolding and asking you not to whine, i never love and care for you all any lesser, in fact more. Whining does not help, crying does not solve problem. It's okay to cry, but remember problem will still be there.

In future, the society is going to be tough on you kids, but everything will be fine at the end of the day. Study and work hard, but remember to take a break if you think you're suffocating. 

Remember I'll always have all your back kids, 

with love, Teacher Vivian.